Avyn’s birth
Avyn was born in a smooth home birth, with calm music, dimmed lights, a birth pool, two trusted midwives, and his babbo Leo and big sister Alicia holding my hands. It could not have been any better. But the time leading up to the birth was not the easiest. Leo was diagnosed with a lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system, half-way through the pregnancy.
After two scary weeks of knowing it was cancer, but not yet knowing which precise kind, we luckily found out that it was a treatable variant. Leo had to go through five months of immuno- and chemotherapy, one session every three weeks, with the last one scheduled for the day before Avyn’s due date. The side effects of the therapy got stronger with each session and by the end of the pregnancy Leo was not doing well at all anymore.
The diagnosis meant mostly fear, fear for his life and health and for our joint future as a family of four, as well as fears around the birth. Would he be strong enough to be part of it and enjoy it, and would I manage to handle everything – Alicia, the third trimester, the baby, the household – in case he could not help much? Our answer to those fears was incredible optimism on the part of Leo, as well as organising and preparing things in advance as much as we could. Many friends offered help, and we got informed about professional aid, such as kraamzorg. Family also visited around the time of the due date, but they missed Avyn, who came entire two weeks ‘late’ – which was good, as by then the worst of the side effects of the last chemo were gone. Leo was strongly by my side during the birth, and so was Alicia, our 3-year-old daughter.
We had planned that Alicia would stay with neighbours who had become close friends. But it was late in the evening when I started having contractions and so we thought she might as well just sleep through at home and wake up in the morning with her little brother born. However, Alicia woke up at around 5 in the morning and realised that something special was happening in the living room. As Leo saw that she was impressively calm, he let her be part of it. We had already spoken with her about how babies are born, so she knew what was happening. For some time she sat on the sofa watching a video on Leo’s phone, then she ate an apple, and then she joined me, standing next to the birth pool and held my hand. Towards the end she even said, “Mama, you don’t need to be afraid,” which gave me just the energy I needed for the final pushes. We had not wanted Alicia to be part of the birth in case there would have been complications or even just blood that would leave her shocked or even traumatised. We were very lucky that this was not the case. I hope she will remember the birth as an empowering first experience of the strength of women.
There had been another small battle that we had to fight before the birth. As Avyn had not come yet around his due date, the doctors strongly recommended inducing the birth. Yet, according to our own calculations on the basis of my last period, the estimated due date was a week after the one calculated by ultrasound measuring. Alicia as well as myself also both came 11 days ‘late’. And the examinations in the final days showed that Avyn was still well cared for by my body. I also started having false contractions. So we trusted that everything was alright and that the birth would happen soon and decided not to have an induction. As much as we understood the need of protocols, it was disappointing how little the doctors wanted to hear of our thoughts and arguments and look at our individual case. When I left the hospital after the monitoring on the day before Avyn was born, I had to sign a paper declaring that they had informed me about the risks associated to ‘late’ birth. The decision to wait just another day anyways took us some courage, and so the way of talking to us of one doctor in particular made me burst out in tears as we left the hospital – nothing a birthing woman needs. The fear of losing the baby in the very last stretches, as the doctor warned about, was terrifying. Yet, we trusted my body, my intuition and the research into due date estimations and inductions that we had done, and indeed Avyn came that night in what I now see as a beautiful birth experience that I would never have wanted to miss. Thank you, Elke, Lisa, Hanne, Alice and the entire team, for having been by our side throughout this intense time.